The best of these I have seen lately come from one Garrett Murray who responds to Adobe Photoshop crashes with vigorous creativity. He blogs these responses here and I include a sample entry:

I hope Mr. Murray will take my imitation as the sincerest form of flattery as it is now my intention to do this with software crashes from this point forward. I’m sure this type of thing entertains the poor sap in technical support who gets these things, and it surely channels frustration better than banging things around².

So, really I just wanted to pass on an entertaining link for your Wednesday morning but figured why not editorialize while I’m here. Head on over and enjoy it with your morning coffee, chai tea, or diet soda. Thanks to the folks over at Galley Cat for the catch!

^{1 one of my many failings
2 again, guilty.}

We start out on a peaceful Tuesday morning in the library. Young Tess comes in, all smiles and sunshine, with her mother. As there are – in fact – no such things as quiet mornings in libraries, Tess quickly begins contributing to the chaos. Put in time out, she pouts and accidentally³ knocks over a book cart, freeing a rowdy T.Rex from one of the books. And so the romp begins.

The rest of the book is a well-worn investigation of the many worlds that are open to the voracious reader of books. It also tells the parable of the girl who slolwly realizes that the dinosaur is her. What separates this tale from others of its type is the writing and a sly nod to mischief at the conclusion.

On first read, the writing seems all out of whack. The rhythm is awkward. Maddeningly the author gets up a pretty good head of rhyming steam and then brings it screeching to a halt. But, like a well planned racetrack⁴ the patient reader soon learns the curves and comes to enjoy the subtlety of the course. To wit:

Water spills as the story pit fills with fish and aquarium treasures/Orcas spout high. Swordfish, jellies, and squid reel by the knights doing synchornized swimming

Say wha!? I was just getting on a roll! Why not knights taking “extraordinary measures” or “enjoying the ocean’s pleasures”? What gives!?

Ah, but once you expect it, it makes a certain sense. The lack of rhyme subverts expectations just as the idea of knights in full armor strains our notion of what is good, right and orderly. The rollicking rhyme, brought to a standstill by a seemingly out of place word reinforces oursense that a might tyrant lizard is stampeding recklessly through the library.

As the T-Rex careens to new heights of destruction, Tess pleads with him to spare the books. Finally, she is fed up and puts the T-Rex in time out. Unruly behavior in the library brings the same punishment for prehistoric beasties as for young girls. But Tess realizes that her purgatory – and by extension that of T-Rex – is temporary. As she sits quietly, for now, in time out she whispers to T-Rex “I’ll be back for you.”

The children’s room in the library is not for the faint of heart, and No T.Rex in the Library reminds us that we can put but temporary reins on the madness. Time out or not, Tess will be back. All you unwary patrons have been warned.

^{1 I mean, really. It’s about dinosaurs. And libraries.
2 and more importantly, his son…
3 or was it?
4 Indy car, of course. All you have to remember in Nascar is just keep turning right}

The thundering, indomitable drone of vuvuzelas has dropped below the horizon, two hemispheres removed once more as the television cameras direct their gaze away from South Africa. Gone are the fever-dreams of Germans dancing the Brazilian samba, Dutchmen fortifying their goal with hammer and nails and a lion-maned Diego Forlan roaming the African Savannah in search of his next kill. What remains is the inevitable hollow feeling that comes when the pageantry and drama of international spectacle ends.

And yet we rejoice at having been witness again to why this game belongs to the world – to why it retains it’s allure as The Beautiful Game. The great joys of sport revolve around identity – the building of allegiances, the thrill of seeing perfected that which you enjoy recreationally, the communal bond created in stadiums, arenas or even an empty lot. So what better sport to draw people together than the one played everywhere by nearly everybody?

The World Cup is about telling these narratives about identity both on and off the field. The joy of the tournament is in the early rounds, when every team has a chance to win and we learn the stories of those who have worked so hard to reach the pinnacle of their profession. The great soccer powers enter with prepackaged identities – the joyful play of Brazil, the clockwork efficiency of Germany and the creative vision of the Dutch. But every four years even these giants must either reinforce or remake their stories along with each of the thirty-two teams that enter the arena.

As with all tournaments, the World Cup begins with possibility and ends with heartbreak for all but the victor. This year was no different. Ultimately, the final was unsatisfying. The Dutch tactics where too brutal by half, and the Spanish for all their technical expertise seemed to forget that this was not just a large-scale game of monkey in the middle. We appreciate the expertise but we yearn for the goal. Finally, the Spanish got their goal and with it their first World Cup trophy. All congratulations to the victors, but the true beauty of the game was on display elsewhere.

The true beauty of the game happened in moments both small and large. As Americans, the moment of the tournament was a last-gasp goal by Landon Donovan to save the team’s hopes. For the host nation it was to be found in seeing their home team – already eliminated from the tournament – seal the disgrace of mighty France. For the continent of Africa it must have been the steel nerve of Asamoah Gyan sealing victory for Ghana over the Americans in the quarterfinal.  For South America the early joy of seeing all their teams advance gave way to the disappointment that resurgent past champion Uruguay could only in the end muster a fourth place finish. And for Uruguay, oh what joy to watch the player of the tournament, Diego Forlan, lift the team on his shoulders to defy expectations again and again.

For those who love the game, the World Cup is a treat not to be missed that comes around every four years. And every four years those who don’t love the game, even those unfamiliar with it, learn a little more about what it means to embrace its beauty. Even in a year where complaints about referees, the ball, and conservative tactics threatened to drown out all but the loudest of the horn blowing fanatics, we know that nothing quite like this will come around for another four years. In the meantime we revel in what we have just witnessed and we wait. For all of us hope remains and we, as have so many fans for so many years, set our eyes on the future and proclaim “we’ll get ‘em next time!”

For those of you noticing Conan’s conspicuous absence of late, in a fit of football fever he got vuvuzelas stuck on his hands and can’t type. I suggested voice recognition software but it can’t make out the muffled ramblings of a madman amplified through the plastic horn either. Alas, we wait and wish him well.

Not only do I tend to avoid zombies, I also dislike, nay, loathe tower defense games. But I guess the Devil¹, as they say, is in the details. Plants vs. Zombies is immaculately well done and the creativity is evident across the board. Plus, it’s just plain satisfying to watch your well-placed tools of destruction cut down wave after wave of nefarious Zombies.

Full Disclosure time: The link here is to Pop Cap’s free online trial of the game. They are in the business of creating high quality games and selling them. As my wife can attest, I have played copious amounts of the paid game on my iPod touch. Those of you with iPods or iPhones will certainly get your $3 of paid entertainment. I can’t vouch for the paid PC version. The free web version? Um, it’s free. Stop complaining and go waste your time!

^{1 Or perhaps the Zombie}

How time files when you’re having fun. Though idle on the intertubes for the past few weeks I assure you dear reader¹ I have been a busy little bee.

So, for the sake of posting something, and at the expense of long-form coherence, here’s what I’ve been up to. Many of these could have been – and still may be – their own posts, but so it goes. In bullet form:

• Presenting to the regional VEMA conference on recommending books to older teenage readers. Powerpoint here and book list here.

• Reading Alex Berenson’s The Faithful Spy and The Silent Man – books 1 & 3 of his John Wells series. Short review – Pass. Slightly less short review – Berenson tries to shoehorn Baldacci’s Oliver Stone character into a John LeCarre novel. Just doesn’t work for me.

• Playing lots and lots of Angry Birds and Plants vs. Zombies on the iPod.

• Taken up running again. Specifically, waking up about an hour-and-a-half before G-D himself and whipping my lazy butt back into shape.

• Thinking about the National Broadband Plan supposedly being released today by the FCC. Hoping they will follow up on their ambitious goals with an actionable plan. CNN has an interesting take on the issue, highlighting a woman who makes her living designing websites but doesn’t have access to broadband in her home. Worth the read.

So that’s the news from down on the farm. Hopefully we’ll be back on a semi-regular basis with your weekly recommendations and ramblings. Until then.

^{1 Surely there’s at least one of you still out there. Yes? Hello?}

Dinosaur Roar is full of simple rhymes that also teach the concept of opposites.

Dinosaur Roar / Dinosaur Squeak
Dinosaur Fierce / and Dinosaur Meek
Dinosaur Sweet, Dinosaur Grumpy/ Dinosaur Spikey, Dinosaur Lumpy

You get the idea. The rhymes roll off the tongue and the dinosaurs are charming and colorful. This was Zeke’s favorite for quite some time during the first year and he still asks for it from time to time. This will delight the younger crowd and come back around when it’s time to start learning to read¹.

^{1 Plus, seriously, dinosaurs! What kid doesn’t like dinosaurs?}

Nevertheless, Library Labyrinth is a variation on a well heeled puzzle concept. You move one space while your opponent – the library security guard – moves two.  For all his freedom of movement, the guard is constrained by rules¹. He moves horizontally first and cannot see over, under, around or through obstacles. And he has no hops; he is unable to hurdle desks, chairs or study carrols to snatch your punk-ass bald for talking above a whisper in his hallowed halls.

But I digress. The point is, you need to work your way through the library putatively in search of your lost sister². Victory is within your grasp, but tread lightly. Woe betide the poor fool who gets caught in flagrante while treading among the sacred stacks. Good luck and happy weekend.

^{1 RULES!? In a library!? Unthinkable.
2 The more realistic scenario being that you want to get your hands on that first edition of Dickens they have on display in the archives. But whatever.}